Crystal Walls

Crystal Walls
I wear a mask
and build walls because
of the pain I bear. Some
walls you can see
through, some are as thick as
the night. It is the
Crystal Walls reflect
the daily burden of
blood sizzling pain. I
warn you do not gaze
to long through the
Crystal Wall or you will
find yourself flabbergasted at
how we survive each day.
The Crystal Wall does
not lie, it shows the
truth, we may wear the
Mask to hide our
reaction to the life
stealing pain, but the
Crystal Wall is ever showing.

Gift or Prison

Gift or Prison?
High in the hills lies
A lonely mountain. In that
Mountain a bereft cave be.
It signs its song “Come and
Find yourself! Be at one with
The world!” Solitude it
shouts as its offering! Solitude
and Sanctuary. Alas, be ye
Warned for it is a double-
edged sword. There is darkness,
misery, and blood-crying pain aplenty
in this cave. Solitude is a
gift to be used wisely for
it is also a prison. High
in the hills awaits the
Gift of pain and prison
of Solitude

Bridge of Victory

The Bridge of Victory

As I cross the bridge to
escape the darkness that
entraps me in a land that
I loathe, the bridge creeks
and moans its protest.
With tears sweeping down
my face and blood-stained
hands I inch ever closer
to the light and victory.
Pain, depression, and anxiety
want to trap me in this
land of darkness. I want to
surrender to the darkness,
but lo the light is ever
so close I can’t give up
my chance of victory. The
land of darkness tries
to twist the bridge
and make me tumble, but
I hold on for the I feel
the light of hope getting
ever closer! I will cross
this bridge of despair and it
will become my bridge of victory!

Second Visit

I had my second visit with Dr. V on Wednesday. She went over my blood work and it was all good. The lab did rule out Lupus so that is one less diagnosis on my chart! But we traded it for another that goes hand-in-hand with fibromyalgia, Allodynia (pain from touch).

We went over my medication and she increased the gabapentin to 1600mg a day. She also added something for breakthrough pain, Soma. I’ve had a few doses now and I can say it takes the big edge off the pain but if I take it I’m not going anywhere that’s for sure!

I see her again in January!

The Rheumatologist

So I met the rheumatologist today.  She is definitely a good doctor on first impressions, she’s Latina, from Puerto Rico; and is pure spitfire!  I’m going for a round of X-Rays, Lab Work, and I need to have a Sleep Study done.  She agrees 100% that I do indeed have Fibro, though Dr. V. is not fully convinced that I do indeed have Lupus; but she is going to investigate that with some of the lab work.
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It’s all in your head.

https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/americas-heroin-epidemic/americans-are-abusing-over-counter-drugs-well-opioids-study-shows-n846401

This is my reaction to the above article.

The problem is people with chronic pain such fibromyalgia (which I happen to have) are told the pain is all in our heads. A good many of doctors refuse to treat the pain and label us as drug seekers.

Doctors have to listen more to their patients. I’m in pain 24/7 and all I have to rely on is Motrin and Aleeve, as well as BioFreeze and IcyHot (all which barely touch the surface of the pain). While I understand the addiction epidemic there is also a pandemic of pain and physicians are not treating people with pain disorders correctly. It’s time that doctors got a little more education in the sufferings of their patients. End the stigma. We are not drug seekers! We are pain warriors who just want a little relief from pain to live and function like the average person does!