Christmas is my favorite time of year for many reasons but the most important one is the holiest of ones, the day we honor the Nativity of our Blessed Savior.  However this Christmas I’m having a very hard time getting in the festive mood.  I’m in a depression.  It has been well over a year since my marriage fell apart, we still are not divorced, and I found out she has committed bigamy.  Here I am feeling lonely, touch-deprived, a bit sorry for myself and she has the nerve to tell a court in Illinois that I am dead (which I’m surprised they didn’t ask for a death certificate) and gets remarried.  Definitely not the best way to start off my favorite time of year.  Though I thank the little birdie who told me this news.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like the Almighty is sending me to voicemail.  I cry for a good part of the day.  I have no enjoyment of things.  I put on a good face, a good mask, but I can’t hide for much longer I haven’t the strength nor the ambition to.  I keep thinking of my move to South Carolina but even then I am going to be alone.  Man is not meant to be alone…

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